Pure Twaddle

It’s Friday, so I’m going to be lazy. Here’s an awesome video:

555 KUBIK | facade projection | from urbanscreen on Vimeo.

Popularity: 9% [?]

Roommate 1 is in the hospital with an unknown ailment. Roommate 2 is fled to Wisconsin. I’m alone with the two cats, cheap beer, and a night job. As my friend Chris said: “You lead a life for stories.” We’re through the looking glass, folks.

Popularity: 2% [?]

I lie in bed awake unable to sleep,
and in my conscience deep,
I dream of Montana and hitch-hiking,
out West with a pair of skis,
forming creases on my shoulder while
the snow digs deeper into my psyche
Yes, I am ready for you
Thou urge to flee what feels so comfortable
And what again bothers me

Popularity: 5% [?]

What I want to know (and what you’re ignoring):

1. What exactly is Obama’s health plan. Yeah, I’ve seen the sound bytes. I’ve watched the Daily Show interview. I see the Republicans bitch about it. But what exactly is the plan? You haven’t once talked about the details. If there are none, tell us so!

2. What the hell is going on in Iraq? Obama got elected and suddenly there’s nothing important to report from our first major war since Afghanistan. Which brings me to:

3. What the hell is going on in Afghanistan? The Economist is reporting we’ve had one of the worst months of casualties in the EIGHT YEAR CONFLICT. Why the hell isn’t this a nightly discussion?

4. What the hell is going on with the economy? Ok, ok. Every economist disagrees with every other economist. That still doesn’t explain whether I’m going to have to temp for the next five years. Sure, it’s impossible to tell the future, but for God’s sake at least tell us what the possible outcomes are.

5. How much is the TARP and stimulus money helping? You were all over the debates like a fat kid on chocolate last October. Now the whole thing is treated like an amorphous blob that hangs without our periphery. There MUST be some kind of metric that can determine whether what was enacted EIGHT MONTHS AGO is having an effect.

6. What’s happening in Iran? You’ve had one night of passion with the temporary revolution and now you won’t call her back. Huge things are happening there still; you’d never know by your coverage. Is she not sexy enough for you?

7. Why are you ignoring China? The Uighurs have been rioting against one of our largest trading partners, lenders, and governmental opposites. Why is this almost completely ignored?

You want to save journalism and the newspapers? Start reporting the news, you idiots! I don’t give a damn about Sotomayor. I couldn’t care less about Goldman Sacks. Just explain to me what the hell is happening in the world!

Popularity: 10% [?]

A thought process which occurred to me in the sixth hour of data-entry at my temp job:

1. Wouldn’t a book called Meditations On Data Entry by Tai Ping be hilarious?
2. Wouldn’t another book called How to File by Al Fibette be even funnier?
3. I’m on a role. How about Preparing Printed Works by Cole Aiting?
4. I could make millions off of this series of office-related humour bo…
5. Damn; hit enter instead of tab-enter. Have to redo that entry.
6. Jesus, I need to get out of here.

But I’ve got a job!

Popularity: 2% [?]

It’s weird living in a neighborhood populated by West Indian immigrants. My perpetually drunk upstairs neighbour, Donna, who has been here for 35 years, was bitching about the guy who lived in my room before me. She went on about how he complained of her music at 7 p.m. on Saturdays. In the middle of her rant she asked me if I understood. Before I could react, she interjected: “Eh, you wouldn’t know; you’re black.” As a goodbye she called me boo.

In the same evening, the skinny kids, no older than 20, who camp out on the street outside, called me whiteboy and tried to provoke a fight. I could only smile.

Being a minority is tough work.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Wired EIC (editor-in-chief), Chris Anderson, has just published a book espousing the nature of the free economy. As part of the book’s promotion, he gave a speech at the Wired Disruptive Business Conference outlining his main points (below). I offer a rebuttal in the form of early ninety’s hip-hop. Watch and learn:

Chris Anderson’s “bitch-ass” speech:

V. MC Double Def DP’s Don’t Copy That Floppy! from 1992 (with extra whitey hate)

Bonus: DCTF sequel coming soon (with extra prison rape)!

P.S. If your game/movie/television show is so bad that only pirates will watch it (read: no one wants to pay to watch it – I’m looking at you, Michael Bay), then you need to re-think your media. Shit’s changin’, yo!

Popularity: 15% [?]

Reply to: job-yeah-right-1255781602@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-07-06, 11:54AM EDT

GazillionBazillions (www.gazbaz.moc), the leading financial, political, and scientific blog site, is in search of two talented editorial interns for the summer.

Responsibilities:

• Provide administrative support for the department/division such as answering telephones, selling advertising, and filling in when the most experienced staff fail to show up.
• Bring order to our filing “bucket,” a large bin where we’ve been throwing important documents since our company’s inception.
• Provide helpdesk solutions for our overpaid, under-educated staff
• Make executive-level decisions about the direction of the company. Must be willing to accept responsibility to shareholders for said decisions.
• Repair drywall/Remove water stains
• Throw rose petals (self supplied) in the wake of our CEO, while never treading on his shadow

Requirements:

• A steady hand
• Must currently be a student
• College degree required (Masters or PH.D. preferred)
• 18 1/2 years of professional writing, editing, and tap-dancing experience at a major newspaper or magazine
• Must have flexible morality/be willing to break the law
• Intimate knowledge of quantum mechanics and/or molecular biology
• Proficiency with Mac, Windows, Unix, Linux, ENIAC, and Kremvax
• Must be available to work no fewer than 60 hours/week
• Ability to levitate a big plus.

Candidates fluent in Mandarin & Cantonese will be considered first.

Please send us a short paragraph about why you want this internship as well as a proposed solution to the Hodge Conjecture (no longer than 140 characters, plz) to the e-mail above.

* Compensation: Unpaid (Meal stipend possible)
* This is an internship “job”
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Popularity: 5% [?]

The following I received as a response to a craigslist ad. IT IS A SCAM. Carla Durbin does not exist and there is not office assistant job. Christ, these guys are stupid.

(more…)

Popularity: 23% [?]

The Washington Post seriously needs to reconsider where online news is going. They have started a new “blog” called Innovations In News which, according to the sub-headline, offers a peek at “the latest creations from Slate and The Washington Post.”

(more…)

Popularity: 3% [?]