Pure Twaddle

Caveat: I am a terrible writer. I am also a bastard.

Dear _____,

After reading your story, I’ll give you some blunt advice. Your story needs to be re-written. It feels like a first draft and is not ready for publishing. That said, it’s not unsalvageable. Here are a few things you need to do:

1. Choose a point to the story. I read it three times and still can’t nail down any kind of solid meaning. Right now it feels like a vague allegory to ________, but there’s little solid evidence. Find a reason behind all the action and write towards that.
2. Be sure you understand words before you use them. If you’re unsure, look them up. You misuse a lot of words, like _____, ________, ________, ________, ejaculate, and _____ that don’t make sense in the context.
3. “Ten-dollar” words seem forced and unnatural. Words like “________” and “________” scream for the reader to pay attention to your word choice and not the actual story. Remember, you are creating a world with your words; you are not showing off your vocabulary. Watch for spelling mistakes. There are several in your story which make it hard or impossible to understand a sentence, further removing the reader from the action.
4. The dialogue is too stilted. Example: “We have conversation that erodes my stress from supporting him.” This type of wording is awkward and it forces the reader to re-read the line at least once to get the meaning, further separating him from the story. Read your dialogue out loud to see if it sounds like something you would say. If you’re tripping over your words, it’s not good dialogue.
5. Be clearer in describing action. Bad wording makes it hard to figure out what was going on. Also, certain pronouns are not clearly referenced or don’t agree with their subjects.
6. A little bit of research can add a lot of depth.

Despite all of this criticism, the story has merit and could be a great read. Just focus on what you want to say and say it plainly and with confidence. One last tip: wait at least a day before revising. A bit of time away helps you get your head out of the story and see what needs to be fixed.

Sincerely,

PureTwaddle

P.S. I wish I could send this back in time twelve years.

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Tags: media, reading, writing

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