Pure Twaddle

I was recently catching up on a popular TV show when I came across a scene that included a completely unnecessary suitcase bomb. I started thinking about how many TV super-villains and terrorists rely on large digital timers to detonate bombs. I’m sure you’re familiar with those handy plot devices that invariably force the hero to choose between the red and the green wire.

Any television government anti-terrorism task-force worth its salt should recognize this pattern and start monitoring the purchase of LED countdown timers. How many people with good intentions really need a timed switch that can’t be turned off? With a simple background check, situations like the one below can be easily avoided.

Scene: Neighbourhood hardware store, about 3 p.m.
A Villain enters

Shopkeeper: Hello! How may I help you today?

Villain: I’m looking for a digital timer with an electronic switch.

Shopkeeper: Like an egg timer?

Villain: Yes, but I don’t want anyone to be able to turn it off or disable it.

Shopkeeper: Ok, here ya go. Anything else?

Villain: Yes, I need about 800 pounds of C-4 and a nondescript black suitcase.

Shopkeeper: Sure. Big plans?

Villain: (Hesitant) Yeah, I’m blowing up … a tree stump.

Shopkeeper: Oh, those can be tricky. Let me see what we have.

(Shopkeeper checks in the back)

Shopkeeper: I’ve got the suitcase, but unfortunately no C-4.

Villain: Drat. Any spent uranium?

While the warning signs may be difficult to spot at first, with a bit of training this shopkeeper will be able to spot potential threats before they occur.

Perhaps I need to get out more.

Popularity: 10% [?]