Pure Twaddle

Caveat: I am a terrible writer. I am also a bastard.

Dear _____,

After reading your story, I’ll give you some blunt advice. Your story needs to be re-written. It feels like a first draft and is not ready for publishing. That said, it’s not unsalvageable. Here are a few things you need to do:

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Mozilla’s highlight and right-click search is an indispensable part of my browsing. When I’m reading text and I come across a strange word or reference that’s way over my head, I right-click, search it in a new tab, learn what I need, then jump right back to what I was reading.

To my dismay the New York Time‘s blocks this functionality with a nasty little ToolTip script that forces you to research highlighted words with there terrible meta-definition system (in a pop-up, no less!). This script also blocks the ability to copy-and-paste text; probably a paranoid reaction by the Times that a blogger, heaven forbid, may want to blockquote some text from an article.

After a bit of digging around in the page source, I found the offending scripts and excised them with AdBlock using these rules:

||graphics8.nytimes.com/js/util/tooltip.js

||graphics8.nytimes.com/js/common/screen/altClickToSearch.js

Light testing shows these rules don’t break any other site functionality.

On a side note, when I first sought a solution, I searched Google for “new york times copy paste script,” which brought up Free Copy & Paste JavaScripts and other Scripts as a first hit, from About.com, which is owned by the New York Times company. At least one of their branches doesn’t fear basic information sharing.

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Hey, kids, if you haven’t heard, my buddy Dave Colon is putting out issue 2 of Stretch magazine, his own home-grown literary mag. Yours truly has submitted an original piece of terrible fiction, along with a few other Trader Joe’s writers.

We’re holding a launch party on Thursday, December 16th at WORD in Greenpoint at 7 p.m. Free beer, free readings, and free copies of the magazine. Come on by and check it out if your in the borough.

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Here’s a bizarre example of big-media fear of internet sharing:

This error message pops up on an embedded a video of ducks being knocked over by the wind accompanied (inexplicably) by Nas’ Hate Me Now. Sony is cool with you watching ducklings in distress while listening to low-grade rap as long as it’s not outside of the YouTube.

I can’t help but imagine an intern in a gray cubicle mulling over whether this video should be embeddable or not.

As seen on invertedsoapbox.com.

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Here’s where I prepare a topic sentence to introduce an entire paragraph leading up to an obscure subject. Here’s where I talk about how long I’ve been in the blog game. Here’s where I talk about my experiences that everyone has had and I know can certainly relate. Here’s where I mention how what I’m about to talk about has never been encountered by mankind and I’m the first to notice it. Here’s where I use an Oxford Comma to vary, expand, and complicate my sentence structure.

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Part the First

Wherein our hero decides to undertake a large book

A year ago I ordered A Distant Mirror, Barbara Tuchman’s epic non-fiction account of the “calamitous 14th century.” A few days later the 600-page paper brick arrived from an anonymous Amazon used book monger. I felt I had made a mistake. I rarely read non-fiction or gigantic books – and this was both. So I decided not to read it.

It sat on my shelf for ten months. First I ignored it: it was a foolish, impulsive purchase. Then I rationalized it: I didn’t have time for a huge commitment, and, besides, I knew nothing about the 1300s. I’d be lost reading it an probably wouldn’t enjoy it.

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I now believe I have found the strangest site on the internet.

Where an adult can be a kid?

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This is why I’m glad I don’t own a television. We’re quickly becoming a nation of dangerous attention whores.

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The Columbia Journalism of Review is running a great piece about the ridiculous heights network TV newsreader salaries have reached. To wit:

…Katie Couric’s annual salary is more than the entire annual budgets of NPR’s Morning Edition and All Things Considered combined. Couric’s salary comes to an estimated $15 million a year; NPR spends $6 million a year on its morning show and $5 million on its afternoon one.

And further down, a solid point:

What’s striking is how little notice this received in the flood of coverage of Sawyer’s appointment. With the notable exception of Jack Shafer in Slate, who cheekily urged Sawyer to turn down the job “and persuade ABC News to divert the millions it ordinarily pays its anchor and spend it on 50 or 80 additional reporters to break stories,”

So perhaps it’s a myth that good journalism has to be expensive.

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As we all know, Kanye is a self-absorbed waterhead without a thought filter on his mouth. His stupid interruption of the WMA awards revealed his coarseness. Everything that could have been said about the incident has been said (though some more insightful than others) and, barring any more ridiculous outbursts from Kanye, this matter should die a quick death.

What is noteworthy, however, is the complete inability to find the actual video on YouTube. A simple search reveals pages and pages of what seem to be the actual video, but then turn out to be vapid commentaries by anonymous people from across the blogos-net. Each one talks about how rude the interruption was and how he/she is outraged by Kanye’s actions. And yet, here we have thousands of people using this very transgression to further their own internet stardom. So much so that even the original video isn’t even readily available on the most popular video sharing site.

We’re only a few years away from Ruby Rhod, folks.

There’s only one thing that can keep growing without nourishment: the human ego.

—Marshall Lumsden

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