Pure Twaddle

Scene: Atlantic Avenue and Court Street, 11 p.m. Our Hero emerges from work and finishes making plans by phone with friends.

(Three black youths enter, stage right)

Black Youth 1: Let’s get that n____r!

Black Youth 2: Yeah, get him!

Black Youth 3: Get that n_____r!

(more…)

Popularity: 13% [?]

But seriously, good luck to everyone in Egypt, police and civilian alike.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Scene: The Frozen Food Aisle. Our Hero is stocking frozen cereal

Enter a Middle-Aged Man in Army Coat

MAMiAC
Do you have any just regular plain waffles?

OUR HERO
Nope. Just the gluten-free ones.

MAMiAC
Jesus! What the hell did people do twenty years ago? Gluten-free. Cage-free eggs. (Gestures to the dairy section) They’re showing mercy to chickens. When I was in Vietnam, we killed people; we didn’t show any mercy.

OH
Yes, but they were technically free-range.

MAMiAC
(Laughs) Yeah. (Exits)

OH
(To himself) I need a new job.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Here’s where I prepare a topic sentence to introduce an entire paragraph leading up to an obscure subject. Here’s where I talk about how long I’ve been in the blog game. Here’s where I talk about my experiences that everyone has had and I know can certainly relate. Here’s where I mention how what I’m about to talk about has never been encountered by mankind and I’m the first to notice it. Here’s where I use an Oxford Comma to vary, expand, and complicate my sentence structure.

(more…)

Popularity: 14% [?]

Right after the harrowing stoplights of park slope past flatbush avenue and past the intersection where I was hit by a car at sixth and dean up the flat hill and just after the meaner, patient climb of Vanderbilt I hit the red but there was no one right or center so I took my time going left when the wind just stopped and I glided along in silence on a mountaintop along an empty trail turning a lonely bend and nothing but smooth, beautiful, soft, clean snow leading down any path I choose if I had the inclination but then another intersection with a green this time but a harsh cross wind at the cross street that turned the wheel on black asphalt I was back on the street in New York heading deeper into Crown Heights and onto my Glum Existence.

Popularity: 3% [?]

It’s been awhile, blog. I know I haven’t written, but I’ve been caught up in other things. Yeah, I know, writing about a trip to Gallipoli doesn’t take up all my time. But researching volunteer opportunities in Brooklyn was a time-intensive project. Then there’s the day job and registering to vote and the summer laying about. Why, it just was impossible to keep you updated.

But the season is turning and I’d love to come back if you’ll take me. What do you say?

Popularity: 4% [?]

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but it looks like the central source for hipster satire and transplant hate, diehipster.com, is dead. Is this a nefarious plan perpetrated by some hipster who has finally had it? Has Brooklyn been nuked from orbit and I’m only just finding out? What is the American Apparel connection?

Beware those who poke fun at the weak-willed and poorly dressed of Brooklyn. They, too, will come for you.

(Or perhaps their hosting company has just hit the “website off” button.)

Popularity: 8% [?]

(Scene: Friday, 2 a.m. underground at a Brooklyn subway station. The hallway is sparsely populated by a few lone late-night revelers.)

(Enter a large, lumbering, black woman from stage right)

LLBW: (addresses Stranger 1 loudly in Carribean accent): Have you SEEN the light of Jesus Christ?!

Stranger 1: Uh, no. (Exits stage right)

LLBW: (to Stranger 2): Have YOU seen the LIGHT of Jesus Christ?!

Stranger 2: Sure… (Quickly exits stage right)

(Your Hero enters from stage left)

LLBW: (To Your Hero) HAVE you SEEN the LIGHT OF CHRIST?!

YH: Nope.

LLBW: (Enraged, screaming) I WIPE MY FILTHY HANDS ON YOU! (Wipes imaginary muck on Your Hero’s sleeve)

YH: ( Looks around to see if anyone else witnessed this. To himself) What the f…?

LLBW: (Exits stage left; To unseen stranger) Have you SEEN the light of Christ?!

Fin

——

Seriously, you can’t make up this kind of action. New York is the strangest place on earth.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Lazy Friday video: People who missed 4th grade science have access to video cameras:

Thanks to Boingboing for revealing this video.

Popularity: 2% [?]