Pure Twaddle

But seriously, good luck to everyone in Egypt, police and civilian alike.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Here’s where I prepare a topic sentence to introduce an entire paragraph leading up to an obscure subject. Here’s where I talk about how long I’ve been in the blog game. Here’s where I talk about my experiences that everyone has had and I know can certainly relate. Here’s where I mention how what I’m about to talk about has never been encountered by mankind and I’m the first to notice it. Here’s where I use an Oxford Comma to vary, expand, and complicate my sentence structure.

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Popularity: 14% [?]

The Washington Post has a front-page story complaining about the low quality of food in Paris. What are well-to-do Washington Post journalists to do? I say, let them eat cake!

Popularity: 8% [?]

Let me first preface this clip with a few facts:
1. I like Stephen Colbert
2. I believe P. Obama is eligible to be the US president
3. I believe in honesty

Now regard the following video:

It’s shocking how many times Colbert is cut into Taitz’s conversations. It’s not just basic interruption, a good ear would catch that most of her words have been edited out so that the only voice is Stephen’s. Sure it’s satire, but to invite someone on and make them a foil by post-production is disgusting and cheap. I thought better of you, Colbert. You don’t win arguments by erecting a straw man.

Popularity: 8% [?]

I lie in bed awake unable to sleep,
and in my conscience deep,
I dream of Montana and hitch-hiking,
out West with a pair of skis,
forming creases on my shoulder while
the snow digs deeper into my psyche
Yes, I am ready for you
Thou urge to flee what feels so comfortable
And what again bothers me

Popularity: 4% [?]

Reply to: job-yeah-right-1255781602@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-07-06, 11:54AM EDT

GazillionBazillions (www.gazbaz.moc), the leading financial, political, and scientific blog site, is in search of two talented editorial interns for the summer.

Responsibilities:

• Provide administrative support for the department/division such as answering telephones, selling advertising, and filling in when the most experienced staff fail to show up.
• Bring order to our filing “bucket,” a large bin where we’ve been throwing important documents since our company’s inception.
• Provide helpdesk solutions for our overpaid, under-educated staff
• Make executive-level decisions about the direction of the company. Must be willing to accept responsibility to shareholders for said decisions.
• Repair drywall/Remove water stains
• Throw rose petals (self supplied) in the wake of our CEO, while never treading on his shadow

Requirements:

• A steady hand
• Must currently be a student
• College degree required (Masters or PH.D. preferred)
• 18 1/2 years of professional writing, editing, and tap-dancing experience at a major newspaper or magazine
• Must have flexible morality/be willing to break the law
• Intimate knowledge of quantum mechanics and/or molecular biology
• Proficiency with Mac, Windows, Unix, Linux, ENIAC, and Kremvax
• Must be available to work no fewer than 60 hours/week
• Ability to levitate a big plus.

Candidates fluent in Mandarin & Cantonese will be considered first.

Please send us a short paragraph about why you want this internship as well as a proposed solution to the Hodge Conjecture (no longer than 140 characters, plz) to the e-mail above.

* Compensation: Unpaid (Meal stipend possible)
* This is an internship “job”
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Writing letters to your elected representatives is a uniquely American pastime. When all else fails, we hold on to the belief that a well-crafted plea will influence decisions at the highest level of government. Perhaps you may have read about a recent bill that strikes a chord with your sensibilities. If only you could just lay out the reasons why you believe in it, you could convince your congressperson that it’s a worthwhile measure. Perhaps a syndicated talk show host has roused righteous indignation in your heart and, by God, you’ll let Madame Senator know your staunch opposition to some affront on our social mores.

This quaint idea that contacting a senator means being heard somehow persists in our age. True governmental change is purchased and promoted through think tanks, influential insiders, and lobbyists with bottomless pockets. But to all the hopeful romantics out there who think a letter-writing campaign can bring some change, I offer a guide compiled from my limited experience in the halls of state government. Here are ten things that will ensure your letter goes from the clammy hands of some bored, clock-watching bureaucrat to the lofty desk of your chosen leader.

1. Send a form letter. Nothing shows deep support for an issue like the 45th copy of a personal plea with a different name and address at the bottom.
2. Do not reference specific legislation; simply state general policy ideas. Be sure to suggest possible bills to be introduced. The representative will certainly appreciate your attempt at writing law.
3. If you do have to reference a specific bill, do not give any reasons why you support or oppose it. One- to two-sentence e-mails saying you do or do not like the legislation are best.
4. In fact, don’t use complete sentences, proper punctuation, or grammar. Representatives love the game of decoding what the common man is trying to say.
5. Do not register to vote. Representatives want to hear everybody’s viewpoint no matter what. In fact, they even eschew voting roster databases just so they won’t be tempted to ignore non-voters.
6. Address the wrong representative. A naturally curious breed, senators love reading other people’s mail.
7. Address the wrong chamber. Senators want to hear your views on House bills and vice versa.
8. Address the wrong level of government. No, your state senator may not be able to vote on the current federal stimulus package, but he will happily do all in his power to forward your concerns to the right senator in Washington.
9. Call incessantly 24 hours after mailing your letter to confirm that it was received. Most representatives do not believe constituents are really serious until they call. They usually have a big box labeled “Not Called” which is emptied at the end of every week unless you call.
10. Call again just in case someone missed your letter and first three calls. Yelling and insulting the office receptionist will get your point across.

Happy writing!

Popularity: 15% [?]

Found on the net.

Popularity: 8% [?]

Chicago (AP) — Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is seeking federal bailout money after being charged with trying to sell President-Elect Obama’s U.S. Senate seat, he announced at a press conference earlier today.

“I know what I said looks pretty greedy and corrupt,” he read from a prepared statement. “But with all the problems going on today, I just wanted to help stimulate the economy. You know, get some cash flow moving.”

The governor said he got the idea to receive government bailout funds during his arraignment hearing, where the presiding judge set bail at $1 million. Blagojevich wanted it increased to $5 million until his attorney informed him that is how much he owes. “I realized then that the burden to pay should fall not on me, but on the American taxpayer.” The reason, Blagojevich explains, is that he is too big to fail.

When asked why Blagojevich should receive any federal aide, a spokesman for the governor said “government corruption is a major component of the Illinois economy. If we let [Blagojevich] go down, the whole system will ground to a halt. The wheels of government won’t grease themselves, you know!”

Speculation on the effects of Blagojevich’s resignation vary, but all agree that the outlook is grim. “Illinois is a large supplier of corruption,” says William Granger, professor of political science at the University of Chicago. According to him, almost 45% of Washington’s corruption is imported from the state. “If we don’t let Blagojevich get away with this, we could see a loss of millions of corruption-related jobs, with the knee-breaking service industry and nondescript-black-suitcase-full-of-cash manufacturing sector hardest hit.” he added.

Blagojevich plans on testifying before Congress “right after January 20,” according to his office. House Financial Services Committee chairman Barney Frank, D-Mass., issued a statement after the press conference saying “I will ask the governor lots of superficially hard-hitting questions to make it look like I am doing my job. Then [the Congress] will give the governor whatever he wants.”

Popularity: 13% [?]