Pure Twaddle

Nestlé, no longer satisfied with humping a seemingly perpetual contract with Fox that begat about 150 illegitimate Simpsons Butterfinger commercials, has decided to raise the “things-that-never-should-have-happened” ante. Friends, feast your eyes on the new Butterfinger BUZZ.

Yes, Nestlé’s team of morally-bankrupt chemists have managed to squeeze about a Red Bull size serving of caffeine (about 80 milligrams) into a 3.7 oz packet of chocolate and refined sugar. This is the candy bar for the fat-ass who is too lazy to drive to the Starbucks next door and raise the average 8 ounces of coffee with quivering hand to his caffeine-deprived lips.

As if the existence of this abomination wasn’t enough, they are introducing this new product of post-modern vapidity with an ad campaign that seems to have taken all its cues from the movie Idiocracy.

As a welcome sign, of the 200 million active users on Facebook, only 84 are official “fans” of this new candy bar. Though, disturbingly, they are all very eager to spray-paint the saffron logo onto their fresh BUZZ-cutz.

Pop quiz: Which one do plants crave?

Popularity: 56% [?]